


Doll Parts

by gerank



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: 1x10, Alternate Canon, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 09:32:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10682556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gerank/pseuds/gerank
Summary: Sex in a motel room makes Philip relive a past experience.





	Doll Parts

The motel window is letting in a flood of light.

_Bright white sunlight._

Their bodies were mashed together. Skin on skin. Lukas is very responsive, jolting upwards to flick his tongue against Philip’s. Philip is doing most of the work. His thighs are burning from the steady rhythm of grinding his hips down on Lukas. Lukas is moaning and whispering a repetitive “I love you” into Philip’s neck.

_I am_

_Doll eyes_

_Doll mouth_

_Doll legs_

Philip feels somewhere else, though. His ears are ringing. Mind spinning, the rooms getting darker. The stark whiteness of the sheets and curtains no longer pale, but blue. Midnight blue. The slightest gold shine from the moon shimmering through the shades of another motel room. Philip’s on his back. Looking down at himself his legs and arms appear tinier then he remembered them. His entire body slimmer, even smaller. Ribs more dipped and visible. He flicks his eyes to the guy above him, not Lukas. Someone else. Someone nameless, and old client whose name he long forgot. He holds Philip’s hips in a ruthless grip as he pounds away at Philip’s sore body. It hurts, badly. It was his first time, something he never thought he’d give to a client. Not that he would count it though. Growing up he heard virginity was supposed to be something special, forsaken. Something you give to the person you love. Not something that somebody can pay to take from you.

_Yeah, they really want you_

_They really want you, they really do_

Philip doesn’t kiss clients, never did. But the guy above him with the stellar wallet wants to, and Philip actually doesn’t mind. He kisses well, too skilled and dirty for Philip though. Not that Philip even knows how. He only kissed one boy before in kindergarten. But he tries, tentatively licking his tongue against the man’s. The client pulls back with a smirk, and swoops down again to suck on Philip’s ear.

“You have such a dirty job but you really are innocent, it’s cute” he whispers. Philip’s naïve stomach twists with butterflies.

He gasps as the client gets more leverage, pushing Philip’s thin legs up. Till his thighs are more open and inviting. The guy pushes back in. Philip bites down on his lip to hide the pained squeak that vibrates up his throat. He scratches his nails deep into the client’s shoulder, tears springing a leak out the corners of his eyes. _Lost child eyes._

“Slow down” Philip hisses, on the edge of begging. The guy surprisingly does, but it doesn’t numb the burning stretch he feels, or the sharp pain from the client’s still jarring thrusts. The guy cups his face like he has a right to. His eyes are icy grey and glinting with pride as he asks “So you really are a virgin?” Philip doesn’t say anything, and the guy punctuates his question with a hard thrust. Philip’s entire body jolts, it hurts. Philip grits his teeth and says “yes.”

The guy holds him down and uses his body like it doesn’t deserve respect, love, and adoration. Anything but abuse. He runs his big dirty palms across Philip’s pale unblemished skin. The hands look too large on his small body. So very wrong _._ His mind starts swimming, blurring out. Like a computer with error signs. A wire sparking out. Short circuiting.

The white in his vision dims out when the man above him slows his movements, finishing. Philip inhales a flood of air, expanding his lunges till he can breathe again. He blinks slowly, eyes feeling dry. The client wetly kisses him. Philip doesn’t respond with any movement.

_He only loves those things because he loves to see them break_

_I fake it so real I am beyond fake_

“Guess you weren’t lying” the guy leans back and says, smug tone.

Philip doesn’t know what he means. “What?” he croaks, voice hoarse from disuse.

He then feels it. Wetness between his legs, his body flushes with nerves. His fingers are twitching as he dips them into the suspicious liquid. Philip holds back a sob that tremors through him. He’s _bleeding_.

The client must be able to see he’s upset, because he attempts to reassure him. “Don’t cry, virgins always bleed on their first time.”

Philip wants to scream at him. To tell him to shut the fuck up. But it’s not worth it. He is already bleeding and he needs this money. He needs it so terribly badly. If he misses out on this pay he and his mom will be foodless and on the streets. Philip couldn’t have that. His mom is too frail to survive the winter, and he’s not too sure he could either.

Philip nods, and then cries. He hugs his knees to his chest and waits for his money. He looks at the guy’s feet instead of his eyes. The motel room was cold but what just happened in the sheets made them feel too vile to use. His body is naked and covered in goosebumps. He shivers with his bottom lip trembling. The man tosses down the eight hundred he’d been promised, and zips up his fly. Philip grabs the bills, tucking them under his leg. He waits till the guy leaves to cry freely, tears streaming fast and sounds now audible. He buries his face into the pillow and screams.

_Doll heart_

_It stands_

_For knife_

_For the rest_

_Of my life_

A blurred Lukas enters his vision, Philip flinches.

“That was amazing!” Lukas whispers in awe. His palms gently stroking Philip’s sides.

Philip blinks. Lukas turns towards him, kissing him like he means it. Like he loves him.

Philip kisses back, but he feels more like crying. He missed out on his real first time. He’d spent it reliving his rape. Philip feels disgusting. He feels stolen, like parts of him are missing.

Lukas has light in his pretty blue eyes. He nuzzles his nose against Philip’s. He admits “I love you, Philip.”

There’s missing links in Philip’s armor, but he’s cracked and not broken.

And the warmth in Philip’s heart tells him that just maybe Lukas can wait till he’s fixed.

_And someday you will ache like I ache_

_And someday you will ache like I ache_

_And someday you will ache like I ache_


End file.
